Saif Ali Khan says he wasn’t always ‘lucky, happy in relationships,’ accepts he’s ’emotionally needy’ in marriage with Kareena Kapoor

According to him, maturity and Kareena’s kindness and understanding have played a big role. “Relationship-wise I have not always been lucky or settled or super happy, but I am today for various reasons, my maturity, as well as the kindness and understanding of my partner.”

Talking about emotional needs in a relationship, Saif admitted that personal insecurities often stem from childhood experiences and can place pressure on a partner. “I can be emotionally needy but it depends… because of the conditioning and the relationship we had with our parents. In a relationship, sometimes your partner helps deal with those issues,” he said.

He added that while independence is important, relationships require affection and attention to thrive. “If I am confident and happy in the space I am in, then I am not needy. But I still like a certain amount of attention and affection — otherwise why am I here?”

Saif said he does not see marriage as a “roommate partnership” where two people simply coexist.

“I find myself happy in a relationship where both of us want a little bit more. There has to be a certain level of affection, intimacy, something special about the two of you being together and then you can share that with kids.”

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How relationship changes after children

Saif also spoke about how relationships change after children, acknowledging that many couples struggle during that phase. According to him, making a marriage work post-kids often requires a bit of luck. “You need to be lucky that both people are interested in the same things somehow,” he said.

The actor explained that he and Kareena maintain both independence and togetherness in their marriage. “We have separate spaces where I am doing something and she is doing something. Then we have enough in common that brings us together. Then we talk about things we have done separately and we do share a great deal of intimacy as well as affection and warmth and share that with kids.”

Saif said communication plays a key role in sustaining a monogamous relationship. “When things are not working you kind of fiddle with it, try to communicate,” he said, adding that it is “fascinating” how couples can talk through problems and arrive at a place of mutual respect.

‘My wife was incredible during Covid’

He also recalled how Kareena impressed him during the Covid-19 lockdown with her calmness and resilience. The couple created a routine to cope with the uncertainty of the time. “My wife was incredible during Covid. There was no stress. The way we divided our time… Wednesdays and Saturdays we would socialise online and have a few drinks. Then we would cook at 7 pm,” he said. “I respected her even more after that phase because of her calm and resilience.”

Insecurities in relationships

Addressing insecurities in relationships, especially when both partners are actors, Saif said trust ultimately depends on how secure you feel with each other. “It’s not in every relationship that you’d say, ‘Today in my job I had to kiss somebody else.’ We once said let’s do this  deal of no kissing onscreen, but that’s not a way to do it. Sara once said I think the deal should be no kissing off screen. ” he said.

He admitted that insecurity can surface early in a relationship, particularly in an industry where actors often work closely with co-stars. “There is a point initially when you test each other because you are in the company of the opposite sex, doing songs and intimate scenes,” Saif said.

“Insecurity sometimes has nothing to do with the other person but with how you are. That needs to be negotiated. If the person reassures you then you get through it. If it’s not real or doesn’t work, it falls apart.”

Saif Ali Khan and Kareena Kapoor tied the knot on October 16, 2012, in an intimate ceremony in Mumbai. The couple share two sons, Taimur Ali Khan, born in December 2016, and Jehangir Ali Khan (Jeh), born in February 2021.